FRIENDSHIP101: The facts and painful things we all have to learn about it

Have you ever had a best friend or a group of solid friends, perhaps?

I grew up to be a shy kid but I surprisingly became an extrovert when I was in my last years of high school. Whatever happened to me there, I’m sure thankful for the miracle. I used to hate the crowd of many people but now I love the laughter and joy of being around friends.

If you’ll look at my old blog entry named “Finding my True Gems”, you’ll see there the wonderful relationship I share with some people and I even said there of how happy I am to have them in my life that’s why I called them my gems – my precious ones. But what happens when one of your gems suddenly loses its shine and suddenly falls out as if it were a star from the sky?

It is really sad when a “friendship” ends. Really, it does. Truly, we all have a lesson to learn when something like this happens. You may think that it would never happen to you since you’ve known each other since ages. I used to think the same when I was still a person of this world. I used to think that nothing in this world could come between me and my posse (and my college friends, the TGiS Gang). And boy, all that changed when I decided to join The Mighty Army.

The Scenario and the realization

Okay, let’s put it this way - you have been together for quite some time and then all of a sudden it just happens – your “friend” hurts you and says awful things about you. It only means one thing when these things happen: your so-called “friendship” is OVER. If you’ll come to think of it, were you really friends in the first place? True friends will lead you to GOD, not to sins or pain.

Whether we admit it or not changes do happen to a person. I, for example changed for the BEST. Some people cannot accept this fact and I assume that they refuse to believe it. I believe that they say that what happened to me is too good to be true or they can even say that people who changed will eventually go back to their old bad ways. I can’t blame them fully since the world and their painful experiences in life gave them a reason to be skeptical. But hey…wait a sec! I just had this thought…if you’re really a friend you will accept your buddy especially if that person decided to follow the right track!

God has really pruned me! At first, it was the weekly Saturday drinking sessions at every bar in town and now it’s a person whom I once thought was my real friend. The lesson we all have to learn? IF YOUR FRIEND CANNOT ACCEPT YOU ONCE YOU’VE DECIDED TO FOLLOW GOD’S PATH THEN THAT PERSON IS NOT A FRIEND TO BEGIN WITH! Sure, there‘s only one exception: when you start doing drugs and if he doesn’t want you to be that way, then that’s okay. But if you start to have a Godly life and he’s not okay about it and starts telling evil things behind your back you better think twice if he’s a real friend to begin with. Chances are he’s already spreading things about you even from before!

I’m sure you have a different yet somewhat similar scenario. I already gave the first lesson and here are the other important ones:

YOU’LL NEED TO FORGIVE AND RELEASE THAT PERSON – I understand that forgiveness may take some time. But eventually we’ll need to forgive and release that “friend” who wronged us. The first good thing to do after that “break-up” is to PRAY. Lift it up to God because He knows all your struggles and only He can heal your wound so you can forgive in no time. Trust me! When I was persecuted by this “friend” of mine because of my faith I was then reading ‘Secrets of the Vine’ by Bruce Wilkinson. And it was so funny because during that time I was on the part where PRUNING was explained. When I prayed that night, I told God that He really makes me laugh because of His timing. Not only had He given me something to realize that I will be pruned he also put me into the exact situation so I would understand better! And that happened while I was reading the book that explains about pruning! Indeed, God is the perfect example who has a good sense of humor. He never fails to make me laugh! Also, check if you’ve hurt that person in the past (or if he’s hurt by anyone) because chances are you actually did! Wounded people hurt people!

UNDERSTAND THAT YOUR RELATIONSHIP MIGHT NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN AFTER THE FORGIVING PART – I guess this is true with some of the break-ups in boy-girl relationships. Once the fighting is all over and after the wounds are healed the only thing that can be restored is peace. To get back together is foolish especially if for instance there is an issue of infidelity or abuse. Since we should all forgive we have no choice but to have the heart to do so. But hold your horses…will you get back to your boyfriend after finding out he has cheated on you again for the nth time? Will you still hug him after he treated you like a punching bag? This is the semi-sad and semi-happy part – yeah, the “war” is over but you can never be close again. Let’s put it this way – number one: he was not a true friend to you, number two: he hurt you physically, emotionally or even mentally. The list could go on as there could be cases of betrayal. How sure are you that he will never do these things to you again? Unless he repents and decides to follow God’s path then you can never be sure. Know how to distinguish a friend from a companion. “Demoting” him to the companion list doesn’t mean that you hate him or something.

I guess we all have to learn when it’s over. In my walk of life, I’ve learned that friends come and go and there are some that you cannot really consider as one. So I have put people I have considered as not my friends into two categories – companions and acquaintances. In the know: even the person who stood by you through thick and thin CAN hurt you.

More filtering

Sadly, not everyone who leads you to God can also be considered as a friend. Why? Okay let us put it this way… I have a spiritual family, right? These are the people I am often with and they also have a relationship with God; however I cannot be close to all of them (that is a given) thus I do not share my struggles to all of them. Get it? Of course you cannot just share it to anyone! Then again, it is also a given that chances are they do not understand what you are going through. I mean, I do not expect my small group sisters to understand everything I am going through since almost all of them are younger than me and probably do not even care about the things I give a big deal with. Don’t get me wrong though because I love these people – I am grateful that they share the same faith and that they help me in my walk with God.

So what am I trying to say here? ONLY GOD CAN UNDERSTAND YOU 100%! Being in a Christian group does not mean that there would be no one who will offend you. FYI, even your small group members can hurt or even betray you. This is no surprise since they are also humans capable of making mistakes and listening to the lies of the enemy. There will be struggles in your life that nobody will ever understand. Believe me, I think I’m going through that everyday. Not all of your struggles or secrets are for everyone to know. That’s why MAKE JESUS YOUR BESTFRIEND! There are times when I just want to give up and cry thinking that nobody understands me – not even my family, friends or church mates. But when I come to my senses I realize that God is always here for me and He understands me all through out! He knows all the inner workings of my mind since He created me.

Needless to say, Jesus is now my only best friend. And for that I am always grateful.

This is the main lesson I want us all to learn. Oftentimes we forget about Him and we tend to search for that missing piece in our hearts. We turn to the wrong people, we commit into wrong relationships, and we turn to drugs or vices - and we all end up HURT. Although we do need people in our lives since no man is an island, that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t offer our friendship to God. He’s just there waiting for us to come to Him and yet we seem too far away from the one who can offer us true, pure and everlasting friendship. It’s absolutely okay to have friends here on earth of course, but make God/Jesus your best friend. This is the best tip I can give to anyone.

Not an expert, just knowledgeable

So why am I saying this? I’m not trying to be “Dr. Friendship” or acting as an expert here. But I guess I know a lot about friendship since it’s the only relationship I have had (aside from that of my family and relatives) in my 2-decade stay here on earth. I admit that I don’t know ANYTHING about romantic relationships, but based from my experiences I think I have a say about friendship.

I still have a lot to learn since I’m still work under progress. I know that even years from now my list of friendship advices would still go on and on. I won’t be surprised as I’m pretty sure that there would be a lot of things that will happen to me. I’m just starting this walk, this is only the beginning and I’m not yet even in the middle of it.

I still have my gems and these people know who they are. Hopefully, they will also be lead to God someday (some of them are). These gems could fade and fall down but not my life, my oxygen – MY GOD.

Truly, friendship is a wonderful thing. We just need to know how to define it and to whom to share it with.

View other/previous posts here: http://goddaholic.blogspot.com